Physician, Heal Thyself!

I recently had what seemed like a minor incident while getting my yard ready for winter. I’d just finished moving some large-ish potted plants into a more sheltered spot, when I briefly lost my footing. I found myself sitting against the house, having bumped my head, elbow, and somehow my right leg on ??? I’m not sure what. As I collected myself and realized I felt just fine, I saw my leg swelling up like a balloon.

As my doctor instincts took over, I jumped up and ran into the house, grabbing a nearby hoodie to tie around my leg. I made my way to the recliner and propped my now tourniqueted leg up as high as I could get it while calling my next door neighbor for help. Arriving quickly, she brought me an ace bandage and ice. We spent the next hour chatting and observing my status. My plan was to see how I felt as I got up to use the restroom; if no dizziness, increased pain, or anything else, she would be excused and fortunately that is how things played out.

Having recovered from PTSD related to my work as a physician and surgeon, I REALLY wanted to avoid having to go to the hospital. I knew that my home, a peaceful sanctuary I’ve created for myself, would be a much better place for me to heal. I also had faith that I either already had or would be supplied with everything I’d need to fully recover from this.

What Does my Leg Injury Mean?

Awhile back, I discovered the concept of emotional energy being trapped in the body, and that the physical/“medical” conditions experienced were actually the manifestation of this. I found that applying a kind of “storytelling” technique to a condition helped me to understand what the trapped emotion was, and also helped the condition run its course to full completion and healing. I first tried this when I was incapacitated by a knee injury, asking myself what emotional “diagnosis” might this represent. I was rewarded with the words “Kick-him-in-the-ass-itis”, as if that is how my leg would feel if I had been kicking someone in the ass for a number of years. It was not hard to relate this to my situation at the time, running away from a marriage partner who was acting in an abusive manner.

Two Stories

As the days progressed, two “stories” about this current injury presented themselves.

The first one came through a Twitter post (@Maryamhasnaa) on the left below. Once I read the thread, I immediately connected the idea to the fact that the reason I have not been able to achieve the desired divorce from the aforementioned partner is related to the emotional feeling of being “shackled” to this person. It feels like a proverbial “ball and chain”.

Once I upped my efforts to personally ground myself and set some boundaries to help me feel completely disconnected from this person, the second story presented itself (thank you again @Maryamhasnaa).

I have had multiple people and circumstances in both my personal and professional life who have unexpectedly jumped up and “bit me” seemingly out of nowhere. For a long time, the term “snake in the grass” seemed to apply. The obvious solution was to remove myself entirely from both arenas. However, as I’ve achieved some equanimity and recognized the part I played in these experiences, a more appropriate story might be “if it had been a snake, it would have bit you”: a phrase said humorously when one is looking for something that is right in front of them.

Changing perspective and Reframing

I’ve long appreciated that my higher power has a wonderful sense of humor, sending hilarious things my way that only I understand; it’s like a secret ongoing banter that we have. Along with that, I have really come to treasure and love the way my body tries to tell me what is going on, painful as it may seem. I guess some of us learn best by going through the school of hard knocks!

Since leaving my personal and professional lives behind, I have struggled with pinpointing how I can best be of service, as well as determining the people who are a good fit in my life. Recovering from this injury has given me ample time to reflect on both and in meditation I am now being provided with the inspiration on how to proceed.

The thing is, from the moment I lost my footing, I realized this was some kind of test from the universe. Watching how quickly the swelling occurred, I knew it was all related to flow (blood, money, energy, emotions) and that this would help me heal in those areas, among others later to be revealed. So instead of acting reflexively and calling an ambulance, like most sensible folks would do, I elected to stay calm and listen for further instructions as events transpired. I’d lost confidence in my skills as a physician during the PTSD inducing experiences, and what better way to fix that than to be my own doctor through this? I knew that help was close by if needed, I also know when to ask for and how to receive help, and fortunately I’ve outgrown being a martyr. Most importantly, I need to re-ignite trust and faith in people and in the almighty.

*Don’t try this yourself!!*

Any injury resulting in sudden swelling, bleeding, pain or change in mental state requires medical attention!!!

”If it had been a snake, it would’ve bit me”

Instead of looking at this incident as evidence of healing needed from all the “snakes in the grass” who harmed me, I flipped the script. It is now an exercise in seeing that the daily improvement in my leg is due to my diligence in caring for myself by using divine inspiration (instead of egoic activity) to guide my actions for how to treat the injury. My confidence, faith and trust are being restored. And I can help others by sharing my experience.

Ascension”: Moving to a Higher Level of Consciousness

A few years ago, while recovering from knee replacement surgery, I started having “symptoms” totally unrelated to my knee. I came upon the term “ascension symptoms” that perfectly described my experience. Since then, I have spent time gaining more understanding about what this ascension process is all about as well as really getting to know myself. This has required a lot of time in “hermit mode”, meditation, self-reflection (what I call “shadow work”), and examination of beliefs, habits, relationships and the like. I began to test my medical knowledge and experience against these “symptoms” and realized that rather than indicating a medical condition that needed attention, many of them corresponded to a “story” about something emotional or psychological that still needed healing. Although this all began to make perfect sense to me, I found it to be a real test of discernment and communication skills to go through the surgery and recovery, understanding what was a normal part of the process and what was related to ascension, all without alarming the folks who were caring for me at the time.

I started this blog, and my Doula practice in Supportive Transformation Companionship, to assist others in various walks of life as we humans traverse the experiences of the ascension process. There are many spiritual folks out there discussing “Ascension Symptoms”. As noted above, I myself have been afflicted with many of these symptoms; through meditation and conversations with my higher power I have come to an understanding of what they mean for me and the significance of them in my experience. Seeking medical assistance when the symptoms first began, I ended up with an incorrect diagnosis leading to uncomfortable and ineffective treatment, and recommendations for further expensive treatment not covered by insurance. It was then that I understood that (sadly!) the medical system that I literally grew up in and embraced for many years may not be appropriately equipped to handle what some would be experiencing.

As I reflect on healing from this injury, I recognize that although I’ve cared for many patients in the hospital with different facets of this condition, I have never dealt with an identical situation from beginning to end before. It has sometimes been challenging to distinguish between what is an “ascension symptom” and what might be a sign of a complication from the injury. But I can happily report that the measures I’ve been inspired to try in an effort to speed up the healing are working, and the symptoms related to the injury are resolving as expected.

There’s a saying often used in the medical training process, “See one, do one, teach one”. Although the process works well when done in a leisurely fashion, sometimes the need for someone to learn something is so urgent that the “do one” part and “teach one” part happen at the same time. In a way, through life experience I have “seen” all I need to know about this issue, and now I am “doing” the experience while simultaneously wanting to “teach” others about it.

Introducing Doula Services

Lately, I feel times are intense and confusing; many might rest easier knowing that supportive companionship is available as we navigate these seemingly unfamiliar waters. I am excited to announce that I will soon be offering Doula services for those who feel like they could use some support as they undergo a personal transformation. My focus is on three particular groups of individuals:

  • Those undergoing a personal transformation brought on by challenging life circumstances (“Ascension Doula”)
  • Those planning on welcoming a new baby into their lives (“Heart-Seed Doula”)
  • Those working in health care looking for rejuvenation in how they serve others (“A Doula for Doctors”)

Please Click Here to visit our Doula Services page to learn more about how my knowledge & experience might be helpful to you and/or your loved ones on your journey!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s